"Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed." Romans 8:18-19
Is it hard for you to relinquish control? I ask this with all sincerity. From managing schedules or planning the dinner menu, to stepping in when the kids bicker and fight, do you have this urge to take it all on, make it right, or at least do something to make it better? Yep, me too! Oh, and let’s not fail to mention the times when pressure builds up and leads to an extended notion of guilt or the silent treatment. You know for when a kiddo makes a choice that breaks your heart or when hubby forgets an important detail or date—again.
If you are the type of girl that longs for things to be “just so” (because if not, anxiety and frustration set in), well then, welcome to the club! You are not alone. It is actually proven that women tend to carry this need for control a little differently than men do (because yes, they struggle too), but, for us, it’s mostly because of our innate need for security (Ephesians 5:25-27). That’s right! We were created by God to feel secure. It’s practically part of our DNA!
Now, don’t mistake me for saying we should be grabbing for control, and that it's totally okay because God made us that way; that would actually be taking it completely out of context. However, it does explain why our degree of happiness is often based on the way others feel or how they make us feel. If the children are safe, secure, and doing well, we are happy. If the hubby is working hard and providing, we are happy. When our house is in order, we, therefore, feel put together and, in turn, are happy. When everyone around us is happy, we’re essentially happy... for the most part. But, when things begin to crumble and spin out of control, we feel the weight, and that can send signals of distress throughout our body.
The truth of the matter is we often seek this unachievable and unreliable source of control. While we may know our world is going to spin out of control at times, and that it is inevitable, we still base our happiness on others, especially those we deeply love. That’s why when our children are hurting, we hurt too. When our husband feels defeated, so do we. When a close friend experiences loss, we feel it too. We are women, and we are intricately made to connect in an intimate way with others. So, that’s likely why our world seems like it’s out of control when our relationships are put under undue stress or our safe spaces (a.k.a. our homes or workspaces) become filled with tension or clutter.
Oh, sweet friend, as much as we long for this control and for things to be “just right,” the reality is that we live in a world riddled with a bunch of wrongs. We can’t expect others to make us happy or feel secure because they will sadly disappoint and fail us, and we will unfortunately do the same in return. Chaos, disorder, and brokenness are here to stay; they are a part of this life, yet they also make us long for more as we take on all the worldly discomforts (Romans 8:18-21).
In other words, there is nothing we or anybody else can do that will fill us with the sense of security we truly need. The only way we are going to find the ultimate source of control that we are desperately craving and the peace our souls long for is by abiding in Jesus! The Sovereign God who is, and always will be, in control!
Sister, you have to recognize life is messy and can get out of control, but thankfully we have a God who knows us and understands. If life seems a little crazy today, will you step away, maybe get outside or go for a walk, then pour your heart out to Jesus and let Him rein it all back in? Just trust that He is able and in control!
Let's pray:
God, we are so thankful that You are a God who knows us, our tendencies, and our need for control. You know we like order and predictability, and that it makes us feel loved and gives us a sense of stability. Yet, when we read Your precious Word and as we come to You in prayer, we see that while this need is innate, what we gain is fleeting and can never be fully achieved on this side of heaven. That’s because You alone are the one in control. Please forgive us when we forget that. Grant us the strength to lean into You when we grasp for control and remind us that our security is found in You alone. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Kamonwan Wankaew
Related Resource: Soft Words for Hard Days: A Conversation with Aundi Kolber
Some days feel heavy. Some moments leave us wondering how to keep going. If you’ve ever longed for encouragement amid life’s hardest moments, I have a special episode of The Love Offering for you. This week, I’m joined by therapist and bestselling author Aundi Kolber to discuss her latest book, Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days. This beautiful collection of quotes, scriptures, prayers, and gentle exercises is designed to be a balm for your most tender places—a reminder that you are never alone on your journey to healing.
In our conversation, we explore:
✨ How to hold space for yourself and others in difficult seasons
✨ The power of compassionate words when life feels overwhelming
✨ Practical ways to embrace healing and take one more step forward
If you like what you hear, be sure to subscribe to The Love Offering on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Wednesday, 09 October 2024.
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